I’ve often heard that we learn most of what we need to know in kindergarten. This is a time when there are no gray areas. You are either being nice, or you are not. You are where you are supposed to be, or you are not. You have stinky pants, or you do not. Issues are not complicated. There is no need to enter into a debate over the subtle flavors in a glass of the finest wine with a four-year-old. In kindergarten, nothing is subtle, and all wine tastes yucky. In kindergarten, we know who takes care of us, who is mean to us, and who is the boss. We do not sit around contemplating the mysteries of who we really are and why we act the way we do. We know what we think, and we don’t really care why.

My daughter recently told me about a classmate that was being made fun of in elementary school. I asked if any of her friends made fun of this person, and she said no, but others did, and it was making her friend very sad. She asked me why some of the kids were so mean and I found myself in that place that many of us are in at some point in our lives. I was having to explain to my child why some people are so mean when I don’t know the answer myself. It seems of little value to tell her that it’s always been that way, and that the older she gets, the more complicated things will become. But I tell her that anyway, because it’s the truth, and I don’t know what else to say. All my accumulated knowledge from books and life do not give me the answer, but kindergarten did. Just be nice.

One of the lessons we generally learn the hard way is that our parents were almost always right, especially about things like people and places. Many of the problems we have in life are linked to the people we associate with and the places we go. You may have found that a person you have known for years suddenly turned out to be a disappointment to you. Well, your mother probably already knew it was going to happen when you were in high school, but you wouldn’t listen to her, would you? There is a distinct possibility that the same people your parents warned you about also took you to places your parents told you not to go, which made them ever more enticing. You always ended up in trouble, and it’s all because you didn’t listen in kindergarten. Be in your place.

 We could all use an occasional refresher course from kindergarten. Be nice to each other and stay out of each other’s space. Investigate new things without a pre-made mind. Know who your people are and where your place is, and stay close to both. See things you don’t understand as an opportunity rather than a threat. Know who takes care of you, and who to stay away from. Keep your hands to yourself, and, most of all, avoid stinky pants.